Conscious Misconception: A Male Partner's Role

The Tao of Love and Sex by Jolan Chang

* Ejaculation Control Methods: “Some sexologists suggest a kind of exaggerated nonchalance while making love to delay ejaculation.  They advise men to think about politics or business while making love, or even to break off completely for a smoke.  This may be an effective way to ward off ejaculation, but no way to achieve ecstasy or to even harmony with his partner who is sure to resent his remoteness or absent-mindedness - and with good reason” (pg. 39)

* The Locking Method  * The Modern Locking Method  * Masters and Johnson’s * Ancient Chinese Squeeze Technique

Each method and their variances depend largely on the experience of the man performing the techniques as well as the patience and time they’re willing to spend learning them.  This book goes into great detail to describe the methods and empower men to owning their own control over their ejaculation.  

Necessary steps

- Make sure your penis is clean and free of residual before engaging

- Listen to your body, learn the signs of your ejaculation 

- Communicate with your partner where it is going to go, agree upon it

- Withdraw before the threshold period passes

- Try not to make a huge mess

- Urinate and Wash yourself following ejaculation to ensure no residual    is left, especially when engaging for a second time within close proximity (no soap is necessary and the more urinations in between, the less likely there will be viable sperm present)

“Urination and thorough washing reduce the chances of transmitting pathogens to the vagina.  At the same time, they can prolong the duration of love-making. A large quantity of urine in the bladder will hasten a man’s urge to ejaculate.”

According to this author: “The man who practices withdrawal must assume full responsibility and remain in perfect control.  During the deepest moments of passion, his love partner may urge him not to withdraw. Afterward, however, she [may] regret it.  So if the man cannot remain in control at such moments, it is better for him not to practice withdrawal” (The Tao of the Loving Couple (p. 62-63)

Misconceptions and statistics of the withdrawal method

According to the Femininst Women’s Health Center in Atlanta, Georgia, “While withdrawal has been criticized as a non-method, it is 73-96% effective for birth control, depending on the male partner's self-knowledge and self-control. While 85%of heterosexual partners who use chance are likely to become pregnant in a year, only 19% of partners who use withdrawal are”

What about viable sperm and prejaculation?

“Many sources that discuss the ineffectiveness of withdrawal argue that pre-cum can contain sperm. This is because previous ejaculations can leave some sperm behind in the folds of the penis. While there is a need for further study, it is likely that urination before intercourse washes leftover sperm from the urethra, the tube from which both urine and semen exit the penis.” (Feminist Women’s Health Center)

According to the International Planned Parenthood Federation, “The pre-ejaculate fluid itself does not contain sperm. As the pre-ejaculate leaves the body, however, it may pick up sperm from a previous ejaculation that remains in the urethra. One study found small clumps of sperm in the pre-ejaculate fluid of some men. Though only a few hundred sperm were present, they could theoretically pose a low risk of pregnancy.  Such small amounts of sperm can likely be flushed out with urination, although no research has verified this.”

“... the risk of pregnancy with the withdrawal method is very great because ‘there are always a few drops of secretion in the penis; each drop contains about 50,000 sperm.  If they leak into the vagina, one drop is more than enough to make an egg into a baby’” This is a quote by David Reuben, author of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex.  However, according to Dr. Charles Lindemann of Oakland University, 

“A fertile male human ejaculates between 2 and 5 mililiters(ml) of semen (on average about a teaspoon). In each ml there are normally about 100 million sperm. If the concentration falls below 20 million sperm per mililiter there is usually some trouble with fertility. Twenty million still seems to be a lot, so why the problem? Only a small fraction of the sperm deposited in the woman's vagina end up in the uterus. From those that make it to the uterus, only a small fraction of those find their way to the oviducts. Usually the egg is all the way up at the other end of the oviduct(fallopian tube). Of those that are in the oviduct only a small fraction make their way from the lower to the upper oviduct. So, in fact, the number of sperm successfully arriving at where the egg is located is actually very small. Another problem is that the egg is not just waiting to be fertilized by the first sperm to come along. The egg is usually covered by a thick layer of cells called the corona radiata that serve as a blockade to restrict sperm from getting into the egg. Sperm cells contain enzymes that break this barrier down. It may actually require an assault of many sperm to break down the corona sufficiently to let one sperm get through to the egg. So the whole process is somewhat like a marathon run in a maze filled with mucus followed by breaking into a fortress. That one sperm that finally makes it is the champion of Mother Nature's triathlon. If you don't have enough competitors to start, none are left at the finish.”  So the claim that 50,000 sperm is enough to create a baby is a mismark according to the numbers.  

Though this method may have hitches of its own, when used in conjunction with fertility awareness and with extreme caution and care, the method can pose a wonderful alternative to hormonal contraceptives.

Neem Oil

According to the National Center for Biotechnology information, 

  • Neem oil in vitro proved to be a strong spermicidal agent. Rhesus monkey and human spermatozoa became totally immotile within 30 seconds of contact with the undiluted oil.

  • In vivo studies in rats (20), rabbits (8), rhesus monkeys (14), and human volunteers (10) proved that neem oil applied intravaginally before sexual intercourse prevented pregnancy in all the species.

  • Histopathological studies on rats' vagina, cervix, and uterus showed no ill effects of neem oil in these tissues. In contrast, nonyl-phenoxy polyethoxy ethanol, a popular vaginal contraceptive cream, showed signs of severe irritant reaction in these tissues. Radioisotope studies indicated that neem oil was not absorbed from the vagina; it thus ruled out its possible systemic effects.

There are a plethora of sources articulating how neem, if used as an oral supplement, can curbs fertility in men to nearly 100%  after 4 weeks of use while also showing a full resurgence of fertility after 4-6 weeks.  

Its use as a spermicide, the 100% undiluted neem oil can be inserted into the vagina by means of a cotton ball, fingers, egg or whatever creative means you can come up with.  Its spermicidal properties need only 20 minutes to become fully active and are effective up to 5 hours after use. Neem oil kills nearly all sperm on contact! A warning, however:  Neem oil does not taste great, it has a numbing quality and is very bitter, so please be aware of that if swapping from vaginal to oral sex.  

Learning your partner’s rhythms

It’s okay to get in tune with your partner or just any wombyn’s cycle, asking questions like, “are you ovulating?” and “are you on birth control” etc. are very helpful. If your queen is woke, these questions could be a huge turn on!

If ovulation is on the rise, use a condom, abstain or be extremely careful, just because the possibility is there, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy each other.  Generally, sperm can live in the body for up to FIVE DAYS, so even if she isn’t ovulating, if she’s preovulation, be very careful. If neem oil, a clean penis, and self control are involved, you should have no problem.  

Happy Communing!